Tying the Knot

February 4, 2008

In September 2007, my spouse, Richard, and I went to Vancouver and were legally married. The process was so heartwarming that I can only hope that everyone will have the opportunity to take this giant step.

After booking our flights and accommodations, we contacted an official marriage commissioner, Maureen Hunter, who kindly agreed to conduct our wedding, and to provide two witnesses and a photographer. Marriage commissioners are appointed by the province and conduct purely secular weddings. For this they receive a fee of $100 Canadian.

We arrived in Vancouver on a Monday and, after getting settled in our bed and breakfast, went to an insurance agency in Chinatown, where I applied for and received our marriage license. Unlike some provinces in Canada, British Columbia does not have a waiting period following application for a marriage license. Instead, the license is immediately issued and you can marry on the same day.

On Thursday, September 20, we met Maureen and our witnesses, one of whom was our photographer, in Stanley Park at a lovely teahouse and, shortly thereafter, we were married in a tall cedar grove, overlooking the beaches, the beautiful harbor and the tall mountains. Needless to say, it was a very emotional day for us, as we were pronounced legally married, after twenty years together.

Returning back to our American reality was a letdown as we contrasted the reality of our equal treatment in Canada with our second-class treatment in the US. A few short weeks later, we received our Canadian marriage certificate in the mail, which we have locked away in a safe. For Richard and I, it is the most important document we have.

I am often asked why we chose to marry in Canada rather than enter into a civil union in New Jersey. As someone who is more than a little familiar with state, federal and international law treatment of same-sex couples, a Canadian marriage seemed to me the best option. First, in Canada, Spain, the Netherlands, Belgium, and Massachusetts, we are considered legally married. It also appears, at least according to a February 1, 2008 Court of Appeals decision, that our marriage is recognized as a valid marriage in New York, even though we could not have married in that state.

Second, in New Jersey, our marriage is recognized as a civil union, based upon an opinion published by the New Jersey Attorney General shortly after the civil union bill went into effect. Although I do not agree with the AG's opinion, and believe New Jersey law must recognize our marriage as a marriage, I know that we will receive equal treatment in New Jersey in either respect. What is a little more complicated is how our marriage is viewed elsewhere in the US.

Although New Jersey's civil union law explicitly recognizes civil unions entered in other states, such as Vermont, Connecticut or New Hampshire, the law is less clear in regard to domestic partnerships. Under the Attorney General's opinion, which is only an opinion unless and until it is upheld by a New Jersey court, a California domestic partnership and an Oregon domestic partnership are recognized as a valid civil union in this state, because the rights, benefits and obligations are substantially equivalent to those under our civil union law. However, neither a Washington domestic partnership nor a Maine domestic partnership are recognized as a civil union; instead, these legal relationships, along with a Hawaiian reciprocal beneficiary relationship, are treated as a New Jersey domestic partnership. Got that ?

On the other hand, how is a New Jersey civil union viewed in these other locations? Massachusetts, Canada, Spain, Belgium and the Netherlands, all of which provide full marriage equality for same-sex couples, don't recognize either civil unions or domestic partnerships at all, so a New Jersey civil union couple would have no legal status in these locations. A New Jersey civil union couple would be recognized, under California law, as a domestic partnership in that state, and as a civil union in Connecticut and New Hampshire.

A New Jersey domestic partnership might not be recognized in California, unless that state concludes that it is substantially equivalent to a California domestic partnership. It is currently unclear whether Oregon will recognize a New Jersey civil union, but it would not be recognized in either Connecticut or New Hampshire. And a Massachusetts or Canadian marriage would be completely unrecognized in California, Oregon, Vermont, and Connecticut because those states absolutely forbid recognition of a same-sex marriage, but it would be recognized as a civil union in New Hampshire. Still with me?

Thus, Richard and I are considered married in Massachusetts and New York, in a civil union in New Jersey and New Hampshire, and unmarried in all other states. So, by marrying in Canada, we achieve legal recognition of our relationship in some form in three states. So how do we get recognition in other states? The answer is pretty simple.

New Jersey allows reaffirmation of a civil union. Since Richard and I are considered in a civil union in New Jersey by virtue of our Canadian marriage, we can undergo a civil union reaffirmation, which would be recognized as a civil union in Vermont and Connecticut, and a domestic partnership in California and, perhaps, in Oregon. Makes it hard to think straight, doesn't it?

NOTE: During the public hearings conducted by the Civil Union Review Commission, it became apparent that the number one issue with civil unions was that employer's were using federal law as an excuse not to provide health benefits to civil union spouses. The New Jersey Law Against Discrimination and the Public Contracts Law require companies doing business with the State, or any county, municipality or other public body, including schools, to fully comply with New Jersey laws. Thus, if your employer is denying you health benefits for your civil union spouse, they may be prohibited from contracting with these public entities. I am extremely interested in the names of employers who are denying benefits to civil union spouses. Please contact me or Garden State Equality if you are in this situation.

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