Family Pride

June 13, 2007

As we celebrate Pride Month, it is a good time to remember how far we have come in New Jersey, without forgetting how far we have to go. In my last two articles, I wrote about the comparison between civil unions and domestic partnerships, and the unfortunate effect on same-sex couples of the federal Defense of Marriage Act, which denies at least 1,138 rights, benefits and obligations available to opposite-sex married couples under federal law.

What was most notable to me, however, in recent articles in the press and online were the comments from those who were waiting for real marriage rather than entering into a civil union. There are many arguments for not entering into a civil union, but for a committed same-sex couple to forego the rights (and obligations) available under civil union because it is not marriage is the least compelling reason.

You will get no argument from me that civil unions, as opposed to civil marriage, disrespect our relationships by treating us as second-class citizens, undeserving of the special rights afforded to such examples of traditional heterosexual marriage as Brittney Spears, Kid Rock, Newt Gingrich and Rudolph Guiliani. Marriage equality will come, and much sooner than you may think, not because we turn up our noses at the rights we have now. Instead, it will come because the heterosexual majority sees us for who we are: couples who have created families that, although a little bit different on the surface, are equally deserving of protection and respect.

Just a little over three years ago, New Jersey's over 22,000 same-sex families had zero protection and support in the law. Although significantly flawed, the Domestic Partnership Act of 2004 was an important step forward, providing some important rights previously available only to heterosexual married couples. The Supreme Court's decision in the Lewis marriage case, although less than what we had hoped, brought us even closer to the goal of full equality, by extending all of the rights, benefits and obligations available to heterosexual married couples under New Jersey law. That the Legislature chose the politically expedient civil unions law instead of the more courageous civil marriage does not diminish what we have won.

The civil union law and the Lewis marriage decision do not foreclose us from seeking civil marriage rights in New Jersey. Unlike all other states that have enacted domestic partnerships or civil unions (including New Hampshire), New Jersey has not passed a law or constitutional amendment limiting marriage to one-man one-woman. Indeed, one of the important goals of the Civil Union Review Commission, which was created by the civil unions bill, is to evaluate the effect on same-sex couples, their children and other family members of being provided civil unions rather than marriage and to make appropriate recommendations to the Legislature and Governor.

Civil unions are not perfect, but they provide same-sex families with many important rights, including protections for our spouses and our children. In future articles, I will expound more on the important new rights and obligations we have achieved, including parental and other family rights long enjoyed by heterosexual married couples. I will also explore some of the shortcomings of the civil unions law and how you can work around some of these.

NOTE: I am honored to have been nominated by Governor Corzine as one of seven public members of the Civil Union Review Commission. Currently, I am awaiting confirmation by the Senate on June 18. I invite the readers to email me with comments, complaints and suggestions they may have that they would like to see submitted to the Commission. You may send these comments to me at cu_comments@stephenhyland.com.

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